Home

Advertisement

Customize
About this Journal
Current Month
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
Oct. 18th, 2009 @ 04:34 am random post
Current Mood: bored
Tags:
Had some deep converstation with the new guy at work M. Not that it was a bad thing nessasarily but some of it was deep emotional stuff about my family. It is almost nice to have another guy around that is also a tech. The only other guy that has been around besides me has been D the nurse. D however is sort of quitting (going PRN), and that means that there will be one less around. I will miss D, he has become sort of a mentor to me in the time he has been here. Sort of sad to say that he has been my only real male roll modle that i could really look up to and respect that wasn't a friend of mine nessasarily. There have been others I have respected and looked up to, but usually they were always friends first. With D it was a respect first then a sort of friendship later. Outside of this I took the time to email another Strachota that works at Grand View, mostly because about three people asked if we were related. There exsist a weird high possiblity that it could be so, her husband had family from around the Vining area and so do I... I really don't believe in things like that to just happen to be, I think that it is too weird that it would be the case and we were not related. Then again that also depends on when her family was in that area and when mine was. Who knows, the only good thing is that her husband has the family tree stuff and so if there is any connection at all I am sure he would have it. I don't want to get my hopes up though, because the chance also exsist that we aren't related at all and it just happens to be that we both have realitives from that same area.
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Sep. 2nd, 2009 @ 09:22 pm Emotions
Current Mood: rejected
Misplaced emotions
Wishing to speak them out loud

Wanting to scream
But no one hears the sound

Can’t find my voice
Wanting to be heard
Emotion will break me
But you won’t hear a word

Anger screaming
Rage in my soul
Can no longer allow
Emotions to roll

Thinking that always
My voice would be heard
By a special one
But now that seems absurd

Feeling alone
Oh so lost
The anger and rage
Was it worth the cost?

Who would hear?
This boy’s lament
A battle cry
Not quite a chant

Misplaced emotions
With no outlet

9/2/2009 7:41 PM
James Strachota
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 01:01 am I just don't get it
Current Location: work
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: 105.1
reading in the news, seems like people still want to vote on if same-sex marriage should be allowed or not. I am just so upset by this, right now I wish I could post a poem on here I wrote years ago but since I am not at my own computer I cant. The poem simply says that we are human too just like anyone else. I ask any who read this if given the choice do you honestly think that they would be wanting a vote on their own rights to be taken away? I highly doubt that greatly, if one day we called to the goverment to take away the right for anyone to get married I am sure people would rally up and protest it because they consider it their right to do so. Yet when it comes to others having that same right it seems that they are fine with voting it away. What is so different? I can tell you that all they see is two men or women getting married to one another and since that is different from them then obviously it is wrong for them to even have that right at all. I say look past the differences and look at whats the same here, who cares if its two men or women all thats being asked is that two people are allowed to marry one another in a civil marriage and whom out there who wants to be married or is married can say that that is wrong to want to celabrate your love in that way? So before you go out and vote on this issue if it ever comes ask yourself one question. If it were me would I vote the way I am about to vote right now? If you can honestly sit there and say you would vote your own right away then go right ahead and vote it away, but if you can't then don't be a fucker and vote others rights away just because you think they are different then you.

James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jul. 7th, 2009 @ 06:32 am Dear Mr. President
Current Mood: thoughtful
I wrote a letter to the Mr. Obama, I doubt he will personally read it but I figured it would be worth a shot.

( Letter )

Just thought I would share, I plan to acutally mail this too.
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jul. 2nd, 2009 @ 03:26 am Work thoughts
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: The Flirtations - Something Inside So Strong
Where do you draw the line? At work with what you do? When do you say this is above the call of duty? I have heard a few times how good I am at my job and I always think nothing of it but thinking about it now maybe I should? I mean if you always are helpful and a team player then shouldn’t that be something to be proud of? I guess when it comes to work I think this is the stuff that should be just done but the more I do it the more I find out that not everyone is like that. I hear how no one helps others around here and its so disheartening to me to hear stories like that. To me it’s just something you do at work; you help your coworkers when they need it no questions asked. Apparently that isn’t the norm these days but maybe I’m wrong? So I guess like everything else in my life that I just brush off as nothing maybe its time to reevaluate.
James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jul. 2nd, 2009 @ 03:20 am Proud
Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Gwen Stefani - U Started It
What have you done today to make yourself proud? A simple enough question one would thing but the answer it seems is much more complicated. What is pride in one’s self? Is it making choices day by day that just get you by? Or is it standing up for what you belief in and never backing down no matter what? I have learned in this week that pride means just that, standing by what you believe in no matter what. Never backing down, never being afraid to stand up and say what you believe in and why. Choices are things you choose that you can live with, Pride is standing your ground on your belief’s and never allowing anyone or anything get you to sway. I learned that pride on Monday when I gave a speech on same-sex marriage even though the professor had expressed her dislike for the subject. I forged ahead anyway and said fuck it. I knew maybe it wouldn’t be the best speech ever and it wasn’t but it was about the message. The message was after all the thing that mattered most to me and not the actual speech. Now if I could only learn how to take pride in my work.

James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jun. 28th, 2009 @ 04:43 am One Voice
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Meat Loaf - Out of the Frying Pan (And into the Fire)
Lately in speech class I experienced what most gays do at some point in their life, prejudice. Our professor was assigning a persuasion speech and pretty much said my topic should be men in nursing. It just seemed like she was completly by passing the fact that I had wanted to talk about a homosexual topic. The reason I feel like she by passed it was that for the information speech I had wanted to talk about One Iowa (a homosexual organization) . While this may seem minor to most it to me basically was saying your issues as a gay person are not important. She has basically told me exactly what her feelings are about the topic I have chosen to go with which is same-sex marriage. I have a real problem with how she is handling the situation only in the fact that as a college professor, I think she should set aside her personal beliefs out of professionalism. So the reason I stuck with the topic I want is this, one I am more passionate about equal rights then men in nursing. While a man in nursing has its own problems and bias attached to it, I don’t think there is much of an argument there that I could form a speech on. Second reason that I am sticking to this topic is this,”It only takes one voice to be heard above the rest”. Sound familiar? Well it should, it’s posted on my journal subheading, and it’s something l live by. Perhaps my one voice will open her mind a bit on the issue. I don’t expect to change her belief that would be a wasted battle; you can’t change someone’s belief unless they want to change it. So my hope is that perhaps my voice, my one voice will be heard.
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jun. 8th, 2009 @ 08:26 pm Zeldagasum
Current Mood: excited
yes I made up my own word and this is why http://wii.ign.com/objects/872/872155.html
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jun. 8th, 2009 @ 05:08 pm . . .
Current Mood: exhausted
All I have to say is...I hurt and its been a fucking long day........
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jun. 8th, 2009 @ 12:43 am Things done in a day
Current Mood: accomplished
lets see, I rewrote my journal entry for speach, I worked out, I made 79 flash cards for chemistry, and I am working. I would have to say thats a lot done in one day! I would like to espesally thank Dave for getting me to go work out the last few sunday's. I am sure that without him pestering me (in a good way) that I wouldn't have gone at all. As for school, so far I am doing well in my classes, the first test I had for speach I got an A- on and I didn't even study. Just read the chapters and that was it outside of the in class review that we did and it sounds like we will be reviewing in class again on monday for our second test. Tuesday is the first chemistry test, wish me luck! I am sure that I will do well on this test as the material covered thus far hasn't been terribly difficult. The only part that worries me is knowing the few elements that he wants us to know from the periodic table but I am sure with a bit of study that wont be so scary. Anyway speaking of that I should get to it! Next time I won't waste any time getting this stuff done, old habits die hard but they will die! (in a good way)

James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jun. 4th, 2009 @ 06:51 am What is the right thing?
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: The Verve - Space and Time
There is this kid I stricktly know online and we talked for months and months. We got to know one another very well and his home is a very unsafe place for him to be. The problem outside of this is that recently this kid's step dad took it too far and cuased very sevire head trama causing a concusion. I know this to be true because he turned on his webcam and I saw him (I had seen him before) so I knew something really happened. The way he spoke was different, more younger. So now the kid dosn't remember shit and I feel like I am in a very strange place with him because I remember the way things used to be with him. Talking to him now is like talking to a stranger, he dosn't even know me! So the problem is that I don't know if I should tell him anything at all or if I should. Telling him means that I am the one that reminds him of all the hurts, sarrows, pains, and everything else inbetween. This could cuase serious mental damage to him if he isn't ready to accept the information provided and do I really want to be responsible for that? On the other hand if I do not tell him this could put him at serious risk in his life. He is moving in with some guy in Des Moines who I am sure will use him for sex. This kid was raped before by his own stepdad so I am almost positive that being used sexually is the absolute last thing this kid needs in his life. I just think that being in that situation would only father damage his mental state. I just don't know what to do or if I should do anything, currently my only choice was to give him my phone number in case he needs it or wants to call me. The choice is now in his hands.

James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jun. 4th, 2009 @ 03:35 am Looking forward to days off
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Metallica - The Struggle Within
I almost cried yesterday before work, I simply thought that I had class in the morning and was simply exhausted. I worked monday night getting off about 7 just to go to class at 8am went home ate, slept just to go to work and repeat the 8am class but also had my afternoon class that last until 3:30p. I got home, slept just to get up for work again...........I wanted to cry. Anyway, I am so happy that my shift is about half way over now that I can hardly wait for 7am to go home. trying not to fall asleep here..........

James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jun. 1st, 2009 @ 10:41 am So far
Current Location: Ankeny Dmacc, Building 6
Current Mood: content
Current Music: sounds of other students using computers
Classes are going realy good at the moment, Chemistry is very interesting thus far and not entirly overwelming. I think I just freaked myself out over nothing but thats only so far, maybe later my freak out will be true but I will simply deal with it later. In speach we are doing an informal disclosing speach today, we had to bring soemthing that sort of represents us or is significant to our life. I brought my published poetry book, couldn't think of anything better to bring then that since it covers a decade of writting from me. I even picked out two poems to read if they request it, I thought perhaps I would offer it up towrd the end. This is sort of scary as I haven't ever really read my work in front of anyone but I think its time that I did, perhaps its beyond time. I am just feeling preey good about things in general, today is sort of a nice rainy day to just relax and enjoy the time. Also I am just stunned at the fact that its June, when did it become June? where did May go? It just seems like May just started the other week. It just seems crazy how fast things fly by sometimes, and before I know it this speach class will be done since it is done on the 30th this month. Chemistry however will be done in Aug. 5th I believe, then a break for 2 weeks before Fall classes start. Anyway I think im going to go eat something so that I am not starving later.

James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 31st, 2009 @ 02:06 am Sometimes your voice really is heard
Current Mood: surprised
Current Music: Alanis Morissette - Hand in My Pocket
my moto for this journal has been for a long time "It only takes one voice to be heard above the rest" . This has been mostly a thought of mine that somehow my voice would make a difference somehow in life. Mostly I think I do make a difference but I didn't "know" I could until the other day. On the lulu poetry forum there is alot of fly by readres, spamers, lack of monitor involvement and lack of commeting. So I decided to post up some guidelines to maybe help the forum out and encourage community. I expected absolutly nothing to come of this actually but I still pointed it out to a monitor on the site. Well to my surpise my post is now sticked to the top of the page for all to read and see always............what the hell how did I do that !

James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 28th, 2009 @ 03:38 am Untitled Poem
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: 105.1
A cry
Distant
Unheard but loud

Screaming pain
That no one sees
Feels
Knows

Covered
With a nice blanket
A reflection
A reverse of the real

This show
Is not for lies
It is for less worry

An image of no sorrows’
But sorrow there is
Deep in the dark place

Reaching
Yearning
To escape the deep

To know joy again
To know
Love

When will this end?
Someday
To stop pushing

To stop allowing the pain
Seeking to know
Thyself

To be true to it
To know the worth of you

To see the blue light
Shimmer

To shine again
Like before
To be pure and whole
Completed by knowledge

Knowledge of self
To have traveled the depths
Of shadows deep

To have fallen so far down
Just to rise again

Reborn death
So time to explore

To know thyself again

To understand who you are now
Versus
Who you were

That can’t compare
Can’t be the past
Can’t reclaim that lost shadow
For shadows can’t be caught

Let go of that self
Claim who you have become

Reclaim that power
For it is yours

Only lost to others
Because you allowed it

You gave
That power
That ability

Take it back

Pieces do not have to be shattered

The wholeness of you
Can not be denied
Nor taken

It is yours to have
Your power to wield

Be true to self

Stop
Breath
Listen

Your voice knows its way

Allow it freedom
Show it light

Contain it not

You are your own destiny
Allow you to be whatever you want
Not to be the shadow of what others say

Stop allowing
That power
Over your voice

You are not the shadow
You are more

Be the man that you want
And not the one that they make.

You can be anything

If you believe in your voice
And listen to your heart

3:55am
1-6-09
James Strachota
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 27th, 2009 @ 10:03 am (no subject)
Current Location: bulding 6 Dmacc in Ankeny
Current Mood: relaxed
I just got out of chemistry a bit ago, the professor is funny, we plaied crainium and I can get extra credit for things like writing a poem about chemistry. The only draw back to this is that it would be read in front of the class.... not sure if I would want to do that for this reason but I am not aginst the idea. Just waiting for the second class to start.



James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 26th, 2009 @ 09:48 pm I just have to say
Current Mood: accomplished
Tags:
I am totally completly amused by what happed. I desided to stick it to the free for all poetry forum py posting ( Ode to the Poetry Forum ) which you may have already read in my pervious post and if not here it is again. Why prey tell did I bother posting this to the forum. Well two reasons, one I knew that I would be band from the forum after posting it and two to stick it to them because they don't know what the fuck they are talking about. I will explain a bit on this, see they really don't know what they are talking about because they are very harsh about what they say and then tell you to read so in so poet. I found out that all the poets they say to read on a good chunk of them write exactly like I do and they are famous poets LOL. This of course lead me to want to stick it to them so I decided that for once I wouldn't just sit here and take it without any sort of fight or anything from me. I choose to post it to show them that they simply don't matter that much in my life or my work. The thing I find most funny is that they did exactly what I knew they would do and that was ban me. I wanted to be banned though, that was my whole intent in this outside of the above was to be kicked off. Why, well I am not going to waste my time with some pompus assholes thats why. So without farther adue i say fuck you to free for all poetry!

James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 25th, 2009 @ 09:06 am A random visit
Current Mood: cheerful
I went to see Jess after work in the hospital, I think it perhaps did her some good to get a friendly face. It did me some good to see her up and about, to find out what the problems were that landed her there to which I responded with "I work on the wrong floor". I think I really do work on the wrong floor medically speaking anyway, I guess I just realized how interesting I find medical floors and the few times I had clinical on 3 south I loved it. I think this leads me to finally know in my heart of hearts that I belong on a medical floor as a nurse when all is said and done. So even in her current state of recovery Jess helped me in a very round about way, for that I say thank you


James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 24th, 2009 @ 11:48 pm When you rane on high
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: Star 102.5
In a pervious post I spoke of being on a poetry forum called Free for all. I decided to test my theary about them as a whole, I had a feeling that they were just a bunch of people who are just so power needy that they sooner attack any poet or anyone posting that they see as unfit. It is easy to sit there and be judgemental when your a moderator because you can ban someone, lock out the post or do anything you wish with the work in general. I had to actually send a message to ask how to leave the forum because it is painfully obvious to me at this point that they are not there for real poetry but rather they are there for what they think poetry should be. So this was my test, I posted a poem that was for all accounts inspired by the gods as far as I know. I have no real emotional invistment in it and I have no clue where the inperation came for this work. So here is the poem that I posted ( Ode to Persephone and Gwydion )

Now I totally expected this response from the moderator because well I think they are a total control freak who needs things their way. If it dosn't fit what they see as poetry then you obviously don't know anything. to show you that this is the case you can read ( this ) if you really want to but it is very long and quite negitive and in my opinion unnessasary to say any of the first part of it. It could have perhaps been better expressed of this persons opinion if they simply said I think you need to spend some time reading some poets you can start here ect. This place thrives off of having the ability to just sit there and teare up your work and teare you down whenever they have the chance. I have yet to see any postitive comments from this monitor at all and that makes me believe that they have no poeople skills. I will find a way to remove myself from the forum and find a better way to share my poetry. They failed my test, this work was truely inspired and I knew that if they had any sense of real poetry or expression that they would have seen that in the poem in question....They fail

James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 24th, 2009 @ 08:07 am Exporting Emotions Part 3
Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: Aerosmith - Jaded
I acutally didn't intend for a part 3 but towrd the end of my shift and on the way home I kept thinking about how it was time to take back things for just me. Poetry, journal whatever, I don't need anyones approval or understanding or insight. Sure its nice to know that my friends read things I post here or that people read my poems and get comments on the content but at the end of the day who is it really for? It isn't for my friends, it isnt for some critic person I don't know, its for me. I used to love journaling and did so on almost a daily if not weekly basis, but theses days people are lucky to see a post from me once a month if that. So it's just time to take back the spark, the love of writing for my own reasons and not for comments. This journal used to be a lot of good for me, it was a safe place for me to say anything to and be honest about even to myself. I just lost my way between that and yearning for comments, its way past due for me to find my way back to having this be a safe place to be honest in becauase I think I need it. I think I need it because there are so many things going on in my mind that if I just could get them out perhaps I would rest better. Sleep would come more easily because I would have worked it out in writing and perhaps I would work out my problems on my own. anyway I have gaming tonight so I should go to sleep so I can go and enjoy it and not be a cranky ass bitch.

James
About this Entry
bobcat
Leave a comment
Permanent Link

Advertisement

Customize